Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Honestly depressed for the first time.

Honestly depressed

It's winter and as per usual, I am struggling with depression.  I wake up every morning feeling bored of my job, bored of routine and bored with my life: sometimes I think I am just a boring person but, when I am strong, I remember that that's the depression talking. 
Do you ever feel boring?
At the moment, I don't want to go out and I don't want to socialise with my family or friends.  Luckily, I have lots of people in my life who care and I do get invited to nights out, dinners and events, however, the problem is, I don't want to go... Sometimes I literally force myself out of the door just because it's what I SHOULD do.  Recently I've been out and really have not enjoyed myself - I find the company (my friends) dull and I get anxious when I go to rowdy, noisy pubs. 

I often think I'm living a lie.  I've spent my life since school pretending to be someone I'm not.  I learnt quickly how to hide my depression and to keep smiling, even though I was miserable inside.  I'm sick of lying;  Why can't I be the person I pretend to be?  Mr happy go lucky...
Are you able to hide your depression?

I have a career, a long-term boyfriend, I own a house, I have friends, I'm healthy but I suffer from depression.  I've tried all sorts of solutions but I think my depression is genetic.  I think I was a depressed child.

I will try to continue this blog (I often start random things which I don't follow through with).

I will end on a positive.  I suffer from depression but I have good days and sometimes I don't even remember I suffer from it.  It does not define me and I do have lots of good in my life.  This blog may even help further - I hope so...

Won't be beaten

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