Never feel guilty about depression

Hello all,

I hope you all had a positive weekend?

I had a complete melt down this weekend.  I spent Friday evening and all of Saturday (until 6pm) in bed on my own.  I kept sobbing and did not want to join the world outside my bedroom.  My boyfriend tried so hard to help but when I'm in that state, there's nothing he can do. (is-it-time-to-see-my-doctor?)

I would like to focus more on the important moment when things changed.  It was about 6pm and my boyfriend had reluctantly gone out for the night.  I told him that there was no point in both of us ruining our weekend and he went, probably secretly pleased to be escaping the doom and gloom.

Here is the conversation with myself that followed:

'Come on now, this is ridiculous!  Just get out of bed.  You've already wasted your whole Saturday!"

I slowly pulled myself out of bed, my muscles groaning with every movement.  I put on my slippers and shuffled to the bathroom.  I looked in the mirror - I looked dreadful.

"Just brush your teeth.  You can do that.  Come on!"

I brushed whilst studying the frown lines, tear stained eyes and messy bed hair.

"Well done!  you did it!"

I said this sarcastically but the words of encouragement were actually helping.

"Next you need to shave.  You can manage that."

I shaved.  After that,  I showered and managed to go downstairs and cook a pasta meal.  I congratulated myself each step of the way.  However, the most important thing I told myself was this:

"You can't change what has happened today.  It's done.  You must not feel guilty but feel proud of all you have achieved.   You have had a bad day and that's ok.  We all have them and it probably won't be your last.  You just have to manage it as best you can."

For the rest of the evening, I drank water - not alcohol (alcohol-causes-depression). I started the fire and watched 'The Voice' (I love Paloma Faith) (the-power-of-music) and then I found a great, uplifting film on Netflix called 'Hector and the Search for Happiness', which I highly recommend.

At about midnight, I went to bed feeling absolutely exhausted but more positive.  Even though, compared to my 'normal' standards I had achieved nothing, I felt like I had pretty much conquered the world!

In future, I will try to remember to celebrate every achievement and to never feel guilty about being depressed.

Won't be beaten

Follow my complete blog here:
http://honestlydepressed.blogspot.co.uk

Alcohol causes depression; or the other way around?

Hello readers!

It is completely brilliant to see that people out there are reading.  It would be so fantastic to hear from you and your experiences!

I am shattered today; the light box is on and I'm drinking wine as I write.  Since teaching, my alcohol intake has increased dramatically.  I think it numbs my brain and helps me forget about the stresses of the day.  The problem though is that it is also linked to depression!  I know I need to cut down or stop altogether but I'm stuck in a cycle.  I'm so used to a glass or two after work that I didn't even ponder Dry January!

I have always struggled with alcohol and as I am complete light weight, I have terrible hangovers and I end up feeling rubbish for days after.  Why do I do it to myself?  Social pressure plays a huge part.  Every time I'm asked out, it involves drinking.  It's impossible to avoid and when you try, you are judged by everyone around you who thinks you are either the most boring person on the planet or you have something seriously wrong with you!  Maybe I'm just trying to be a little healthier?  The next time I refuse a drink, I should just be honest and tell them that I don't want to drink because it makes me cry and feel low.

When I'm having a bad time and I go out drinking (proper out all night drinking), it is a complete car crash - even now.  I become rude, arrogant, negative and start crying uncontrollably.  The amount of birthdays I have ruined because I get carried away!  I've had shirt sleeves ripped off, my face slapped and have been pushed off a podium more times than I can remember - all caused by the lack of self control when it comes to a pint on a night out.

When will I learn that drinking is not good for me and is not good for my depression?  Next week, starting Monday, I will have a no alcohol rule.  I wonder if my week will improve and teaching will seem more bearable...I'll let you know.  It's 5 days.  I can manage 5 days...

I hope you have an excellent Friday.

Won't be beaten

Follow my complete blog here:
http://honestlydepressed.blogspot.co.uk/

http://honestlydepressed.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/honestly-depressed-for-first-time.html?m=1

http://honestlydepressed.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/teaching-and-depression-perfect-team.html?m=1

http://honestlydepressed.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/depression-its-not-all-bad.html?m=1