I received a text from my dad today because it is my birthday tomorrow. I am waiting a while to decide if I should send my response:
I'm not well but thanks for asking. I suffer from depression and have done since childhood. I almost dropped out of school because of my mental health.
Sometimes at its worst, I can't leave my bed and I cry uncontrollably. I've researched it a lot, had counselling and been on medication before. Luckily, I manage to live a fairly normal life.
I believe that part of the reason why I suffer from depression is because of you and the way I was treated growing up.
All I wanted as a child was to feel loved by my dad but you were unable to do that.happy birthday dad: how past can affect us
I'm 33 tomorrow. I don't need or want presents or money from you. I have needed help and financial support from you in the past but you didn't get in contact or show interest, even after I moved out of home.
I reached out to you a while back and arranged to meet. I did this to get things off my chest and to try and take away all the sadness I have felt for years. When we met you apologised and I am grateful to you for that. I needed to hear you say sorry.
Afterwards you paid me £1000 and nothing changed. I opened the door to you and you did nothing to try to start any form of relationship.
I don't blame you. I don't think you have ever been able to give me what I needed, even if you wanted to.
We are not able to understand each other and never have been. I imagine you will read this explanation and think I'm weak, soft and pathetic. It's taken years for me to realise that I'm actually very strong, sensitive and a good man.
I asked mum not to give you my address because I don't want you in my life. Mum has nothing to do with my views. I'm an intelligent adult who knows his own mind. This is about me and you.
When I receive texts and cards from you on my birthday, it just makes me feel sad because I remember that I don't really have a dad. I have spent my whole life trying to forget feeling rejected by you.
I don't want reminders from you anymore. It's like a ghost haunting me. I'd rather just be left alone to enjoy my birthday with people who love me.
I appreciate that you might think that you are making an effort now but for me it's too little too late. Sometimes there is too much hurt to move on.